Downton Abbey

The trailers for Downtown Abbey season 3 are out - so exciting!  I wonder what it is about the series that makes it so fantastic: the cast, the view into a world that is gone, the love story, the 'upstairs/downstairs' dimension - it has it all!
We have started watching season 1 again in anticipation. It's 100 years ago since the time in which the story takes place - the year the Titanic went down. Maybe there are still people who live like the Grantham family, with servants at their beck and call and in such sumptuous surroundings. But even the changes within the house and family over the 2 series show that it is a world gone forever. The changes in transport, communication, technology, fashion and so many other things have moved on so greatly that it's hard to be sure we are even watching a true representation of the early 20th century. How would we know? When the Duke says he can't see the point of installing electricity in the kitchen, modern viewers are just going to be baffled to the point of hilarity! It becomes more apparent why so many servants are needed in such a big house - more than are actually represented in the series.  For the sake of limiting the list of characters, Daisy actually would have been about 3 girls doing different menial tasks. 
Andrew's great grandmother went into service when she was about 14. She was in fact 14 in 1912 and went on to become 96 years old. Her daughter went on to marry a man who worked for Ford. Her grandchildren became an accountant, a nurse and a vicar and all 5 of her great grandchildren went on to gain degrees and in some cases postgraduate education. Just one family's little history which is a small example of the changes in people's expectations in their lifestyle and education.
It's amazing to see it all brought to life in Downton and I am looking forward to season 3.

Blogtastic

It's easy to forget that anyone could read this!  I have tended to forget that I don't control who has access to this, like you can on Facebook.  You can see how many people have read each blog post but not who they are.  It's annoying that people can't leave comments without having a google account - it limits the responses you get, which in turn makes it easy to forget that people are reading this!

A recent entry made me think hard about this. It's one thing to be honest and open about myself, but it's different when I am talking about people I know; things they have said to me, opinions they hold... Caution and sensitivity are required, but if I am over-conscious of other people as I type, then I won't be able to say what I really want to, which undermines the whole point of the blog. It's a pickle and a tightrope I will continue to walk as a novice blogger.

I met a friend in Tesco today and we had a brief chat. As we parted she told me to keep up the blog and that it was good.  How encouraging was that! And how unexpected - I didn't know she had been reading it! Another friend told me that she had been reading it as well - I didn't think she even knew I had been dabbling in blogging. But a mutual friend told her and mailed her the link and she was also supportive.

It's an odd thing really - to fire words into the internet, with no particular theme or visible audience. It becomes a kind of diary or stream of consciousness. So it's good to be reminded that at least 2 people are reading it!

Participation Medals

In the second last week of term, Matthew's Sports Day took place.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go so he went with a friend and her son.  Andrew and I had prepared the classic 'it's not the winning...' speech and were completely unprepared for Matthew to romp home with 2 first place medals and 2 second place medals! 

One of the reasons that he did so well was that the boy who won most of the practice races appeared to develop stage fright on the day.  It never occurred to me that a child would suddenly get stressed on the day and choose not to take part at all!  Apparently Sports Day is very overwhelming for some kids, at least according to one of the mums I spoke to.  Her little boy also felt unable to take part when he was in Junior Infants. It was a new experience and he just found it too daunting.  Initially I wondered if I had been a very callous parent, blithely shipping off my child to this big new experience without parental support or without even asking him if he was nervous!  Evidence suggested, however, that he had thoroughly enjoyed himself and risen to the occasion. So much so that after falling over during the sack race he still went on to win it!

Ok, enough boasting about my son's sporting talents...

The conversation with this lady then continued and the subject of the 'participation medals' came up.  The youngest class gets participation medals for their very first Sports Day, which is kind of nice.  On her son's race day, just before the last race, the school principal approached this Mum and her son and said that if he didn't at least line up for the last race, he wouldn't get a participation medal.  That seemed fair enough to me, but the lady to whom I was talking was quite outraged by this and felt it was unfair to her son. At this point I should say that I have a lot of time for this lady and we would have a certain amount of views and opinions in common. But I absolutely can't understand where she is coming from on this! You allow your son not to participate and then get cross when he doesn't get a participation medal? Please tell me I am not alone in finding this bonkers!

The ecards picture above does have a good point - how is a child with this experience going to cope with life in 20 years from now, for example when starting a new job? They are being given permission to opt out of things that  are new or unfamiliar, which are of course going to continue to be part of life.

A recent parenting course I did made me realise what a long term game parenting is.  It's so easy to get caught up with the daily whirl of lunchoxes, doctors visits and laundry that you can lose sight of the big picture - ultimately we are aiming for our kids to become healthy adults who will, amongst other things,  succeed in job interviews, have good relationships and be equipped to face the issues that life will throw at them. Equipping them needs to start now!  I can understand the maternal instinct to protect a sensitive child, but ultimately allowing the child to opt out is surely doing them a disservice in the long run. 'Run' being that all that the kids really had to do to begin with to get that medal...

Attachment Parenting

I heard a radio piece about so-called Attachment Parenting the other day. Some key tenets of this increasingly popular style of parenting seem to be: co-sleeping, breast-feeding on demand (often up to a much higher age than the average), choosing not to follow a routine and often opting for home birth to kick the whole thing off. There's also a big thing about 'baby-wearing'. There are even baby-wearing coaches who will help you choose the right sling and avoid using a buggy at all.

One word that keeps coming up in reading further articles on this is: instinct.  The idea is that you use your instincts to work out what your child wants or needs, rather than using 'controlled crying', 'sleep routines' or even potty training. I guess it's a reaction to the Supernanny school of thought: the parent takes charge of behaviours by applying routines and clear boundaries. Endless programmes of out of control children changed seemingly overnight by charts and naughty steps - all very organised.

If I had to choose which style I use as a mother, it would be closer to the latter, I guess.  My natural tendency is to routine and lists for my own life, so it made sense to apply that to my parenting. What I object to  is the idea that Attachment Parenting is about instinct; implying that other parenting is not.  This is just untrue and to imply that one style has a monopoly on parental instinct is really quite outrageous.

I remember very clearly when my maternal instinct first kicked in.  Or, to be more accurate, when I first recognised it for what it was, and began to trust it. Matthew was about 3 months old and I was struggling to get him to settle for naps. He would cry and cry and I would cuddle him to try and console him, and eventually he would settle, but the whole thing was exhausting.. One day this just went on for ages and nothing I did would settle him. I suddenly knew, just KNEW with certainty, that he didn't want to be cuddled  that he wanted to be left alone, but needed something he could cuddle himself.  So I got him a small bear he had been given at birth and he settled immediately. It was like magic! (He is nearly six now and still sleeps with that bear every night.) 

From that day on I trusted my instinct. I knew with certainty when either boy was genuinely sick or just teething; or when they were ready for solid food; or when they were upset but not telling me. This still applies even outside of the baby phase. But this was alongside a routine of quite strict naptimes and mealtimes. I didn't follow round after the boys with a potty as some proponents of AP do.Nor did I breastfeed for very long at all.This does NOT mean I was not parenting instinctively and I object to the idea that I was somehow detached from my maternal instinct because I favour routine over some kind of organic, supposedly natural approach.

I personally can't think of much worse than co-sleeping or breastfeeding a 6 year old.  But if that's what you want to do, knock yourself out...  But don't even think about claiming superior maternal instincts! 

Bag Packing

This morning I spent 2 hours packing bags in SuperValu.  What fun.

Actually, it wasn't that bad.  A bit dull at times. Some people were really grateful for the offer of help, others were nearly offended to be asked! There were no hilarious or scandalous things purchased on my watch, mostly just normal food for the weekend.  And a lot of Irish York Cabbage.  No idea.

The most interesting thing that happened was when a woman handed me her bag to pack her shopping into and it already contained a vegetable package that she had clearly forgotten to put through the till with the rest of her groceries.  What is the bag packer etiquette at this point?  Abet a shoplifter in the hope that she will pop a few coins in the collection box or cry 'thief!' at the top of your lungs and cause a scene? Or just waggle your eyebrows at the girl on the till?  I decided to do: nothing! I think the lady made a genuine error and I decided to just let it go!
So that was the most interesting thing that happened: woman accidentally steals vegetables. 

We were there to collect money for the new classrooms being built for Matthew's school.  The government funding and approval has come in for these, but I guess doesn't cover the full cost. I could turn this into a tirade about the lack of proper funding to education and the falsely named 'free education'. But in the current economic climate I just don't see the point - the money simply isn't there.

What I can have a mini rant about is that so few parents turned up. I have it on good authority that six non PTA parents helped out over 3 days. Six! From a school of 240 kids!  I guess you are choosing from the parents of 180 kids if you knock off the class just left and the one not yet started. And of course many people are away for various weeks over the summer.  Still - six? 
At least when I whine and moan about the lack of facilities over the next year, I will be fully entitled to do so...

Gold

Katie Taylor got gold today at the Olympics!  If you had told me I would get excited about boxing one day, I would not have believed you!  But in this case, I was really excited...
I taught Katie for 6 months in my first job in Ireland - as her French teacher in St Killian's school in Bray. I was told there was a boxer in my class, who also played football for Ireland.  I certainly didn't expect the quiet and hard working girl at the side of the room to be that girl!  The dedication needed to get to the top and stay there for 4 consecutive world championships was already evident in her approach to her school work - she was always at the top of the class.  This was partly ability, but certainly also pure hard work. 

I don't necessarily like seeing 2 women punching each other, but it's exciting to see someone with whom you have had a connection go on to achieve an Olympic gold medal. It's great to see such an inspiring young woman with such a strong faith be the best at what she can be and choose to give God the glory at every step.

I hope she can cling to this with the offers that will come pouring in and the media attention.  She seems to be so well grounded that I feel she is well equipped to stand up for what she believes in and stay true to herself. Time will tell - for now: gold for Katie and the whole country is so proud and exhilarated!

Pick Your Battles

Adam has requested spikey hair for the past week or so.  I am not sure why this suddenly occurred to him, and I am not quite sure how it looks really...  But I guess I don't see the harm. Yesterday I was flicking through some old facebook pictures and came across a picture of him in the bath where we had similarly punked him with shampoo through his hair about a year ago.  Someone had commented that I might regret this in about ten years when he swanned around as a teenager with a punk look.  Slouched around I suppose might be more accurate...

I was given a good deal of freedom as a teenager to wear what I wanted and have stupid hair.  I had it many different colours and memorably once cut all of it off, except for 2 long pieces in the front.  I was quite a hippy chick and wore Doc Martens with flowy tunics and chunky jewellery.  I know my Mum really found it frustrating to see me dress like this as she just couldn't see the attraction.  But she was sensible enough to let me get on with it and not to fall out over something that really didn't matter that much in the long run.  

So I feel quite relaxed about how the boys will choose to express themselves as teens. Of course that's easy to say now, at least 7 years out from the likely outcome of this.  I think I would far rather have teenage boys with silly clothes and loud music then boring boys who hung around doing nothing all day and had no opinions or views on anything. 

I don't see that it is all that important what colour someone's hair is if they are working hard at school and are watching the news and showing an interest in a few different things. I guess I would see it a as a release valve to cope with all the horrible changes and pressures that come with being an adolescent. And a relatively harmless one at that, with very few long term effects, unlike drug use or sleeping around.

Of course you can chuck this back at me in ten years when I am freaking out at the piercings and the purple hair...  But I honestly believe that teenagers given some freedom to express themselves, within the parameters of other clear expectations with regards to general behaviour, effort in school and sensible guidelines around alcohol etc will get a lot of their need to rebel and be 'different' out of their system in fairly harmless ways, rather than resorting to drugs and other behaviours that have longer term implications. Is this a naive view?  Were my parents lucky or wise?  I think they were wise!  But then  I turned out ok...

For now, my 3 year old can have spikey hair!  But he absolutely can not spit at his brother (the current lovely phase) and he must always say please and thank you.  .  Some very clear boundaries and plenty of freedom to be himself.  And Adam is availing himself of this freedom with typical enthusiasm, unlike his brother who actively does not want spiked hair.  I am expecting negative comments from some relatives as we visit different homes this weekend, if he wants his hair spiked. But I have chosen not to make this a battle, so we will just ride it out... I hope this dress rehearsal lesson sticks with both boys and pays off in due course!