Nationality-ism

A friend told me recently that she had mentioned me to 2 other ladies I also know, but not very well.  This led to a very confused conversation as they all thought I was from a different country. 'Oh, yes, the English Mum.' 'English? She sounded Irish to me!' 'Hang on, she told me she was Dutch...' So my friend wanted me to settle the matter.

The question 'Where are you from?' always makes me feel a bit self-conscious. Over the years I have developed a fairly short reply, but it tends to lead to further questions and inevitably: 'So, what nationality are you?'

The short answer to the first question is: 'I was brought up in Holland by Irish parents.' My answer to the inevitable question that follows is a bit noncommittal - I am of the opinion that you don't really have to choose a nationality if you don't feel that it fits you. If pushed, I would say I am European.

Many people absolutely can't cope with this reply at all and settle in for a chat about it; tending to approach it like a maths problem. 'So, where were you born?' or 'Where are your parents from?' or 'What passport do you carry?' Holland, Ireland and Irish respectively as it happens, which leads to the inevitable: 'Well, then you must be Dutch/Irish!' 

I must? Do people think I am too stupid to have worked that out for myself if they have managed to do so in 30 seconds using their own personal criteria? It's not as simple as that!

If you were born in the country your parents are also from and you grow up there and all your relatives live there as well then I don't know that you can understand not having a nationality and you may not realise how much a part of your identity it is, as it has perhaps never been questioned or analysed. The thought of someone not having a nationality, or not needing one, is perhaps slightly confronting. 

But it is about identity, not about passports or places of birth.  If I am filling in a form, I have to fill in Irish, as that's what my passport is, but that is just box-ticking and doesn't inform who I am. Growing up, I did identify myself as Irish. It is natural, particularly for teenagers, to identify yourself as 'the other'. It made sense to me that I must be really Irish as I was definitely foreign in my Dutch school. It was only when I moved to England that it became clear that a huge amount of my assumptions, experiences and habits were, naturally enough, very very Dutch. This was confusing and it was during the summer when I was 19 that I concluded that I wasn't Irish. And I wasn't Dutch. I just let go of the idea that I needed to 'feel' or 'be' any particular nationality - it's just not part of my identity. Obviously aspects of Dutch, Irish and English culture have become part of me; but I felt strongly that I didn't need to attach to one more than the other and was fine with no nationality at all. I was quite happy with that conclusion - it made and still makes complete sense to me.

One important caveat however is football.  I will always support Holland at football - Hup Holland Hup! My Dad assumed I would support Ireland and was very taken aback when he realised I did no such thing.  He is not in much of a position to be cross though - who gave me this cross cultural upbringing after all?

The story continues in my house now as my boys have their English Daddy (who has never never questioned his nationality and loves to wind me up about mine.... 'You're Irish really!') and therefore have 3 teams to be excited about in any sport.  I thought they might explode at times during the European cup last summer!  It did mean there were lots and lots of matches to be excited about. Equally, for the Olympics, it meant we had someone to cheer for in nearly every event. We haven't yet had a big sporting event where 2 of the 3 countries have clashed. That will be where we start to see with which nationality the boys are beginning to identify themselves. Although it's quite possible that this will be based more on the likelihood of sporting success rather than deep emotional connection!