Attachment Parenting

I heard a radio piece about so-called Attachment Parenting the other day. Some key tenets of this increasingly popular style of parenting seem to be: co-sleeping, breast-feeding on demand (often up to a much higher age than the average), choosing not to follow a routine and often opting for home birth to kick the whole thing off. There's also a big thing about 'baby-wearing'. There are even baby-wearing coaches who will help you choose the right sling and avoid using a buggy at all.

One word that keeps coming up in reading further articles on this is: instinct.  The idea is that you use your instincts to work out what your child wants or needs, rather than using 'controlled crying', 'sleep routines' or even potty training. I guess it's a reaction to the Supernanny school of thought: the parent takes charge of behaviours by applying routines and clear boundaries. Endless programmes of out of control children changed seemingly overnight by charts and naughty steps - all very organised.

If I had to choose which style I use as a mother, it would be closer to the latter, I guess.  My natural tendency is to routine and lists for my own life, so it made sense to apply that to my parenting. What I object to  is the idea that Attachment Parenting is about instinct; implying that other parenting is not.  This is just untrue and to imply that one style has a monopoly on parental instinct is really quite outrageous.

I remember very clearly when my maternal instinct first kicked in.  Or, to be more accurate, when I first recognised it for what it was, and began to trust it. Matthew was about 3 months old and I was struggling to get him to settle for naps. He would cry and cry and I would cuddle him to try and console him, and eventually he would settle, but the whole thing was exhausting.. One day this just went on for ages and nothing I did would settle him. I suddenly knew, just KNEW with certainty, that he didn't want to be cuddled  that he wanted to be left alone, but needed something he could cuddle himself.  So I got him a small bear he had been given at birth and he settled immediately. It was like magic! (He is nearly six now and still sleeps with that bear every night.) 

From that day on I trusted my instinct. I knew with certainty when either boy was genuinely sick or just teething; or when they were ready for solid food; or when they were upset but not telling me. This still applies even outside of the baby phase. But this was alongside a routine of quite strict naptimes and mealtimes. I didn't follow round after the boys with a potty as some proponents of AP do.Nor did I breastfeed for very long at all.This does NOT mean I was not parenting instinctively and I object to the idea that I was somehow detached from my maternal instinct because I favour routine over some kind of organic, supposedly natural approach.

I personally can't think of much worse than co-sleeping or breastfeeding a 6 year old.  But if that's what you want to do, knock yourself out...  But don't even think about claiming superior maternal instincts!