Pick Your Battles

Adam has requested spikey hair for the past week or so.  I am not sure why this suddenly occurred to him, and I am not quite sure how it looks really...  But I guess I don't see the harm. Yesterday I was flicking through some old facebook pictures and came across a picture of him in the bath where we had similarly punked him with shampoo through his hair about a year ago.  Someone had commented that I might regret this in about ten years when he swanned around as a teenager with a punk look.  Slouched around I suppose might be more accurate...

I was given a good deal of freedom as a teenager to wear what I wanted and have stupid hair.  I had it many different colours and memorably once cut all of it off, except for 2 long pieces in the front.  I was quite a hippy chick and wore Doc Martens with flowy tunics and chunky jewellery.  I know my Mum really found it frustrating to see me dress like this as she just couldn't see the attraction.  But she was sensible enough to let me get on with it and not to fall out over something that really didn't matter that much in the long run.  

So I feel quite relaxed about how the boys will choose to express themselves as teens. Of course that's easy to say now, at least 7 years out from the likely outcome of this.  I think I would far rather have teenage boys with silly clothes and loud music then boring boys who hung around doing nothing all day and had no opinions or views on anything. 

I don't see that it is all that important what colour someone's hair is if they are working hard at school and are watching the news and showing an interest in a few different things. I guess I would see it a as a release valve to cope with all the horrible changes and pressures that come with being an adolescent. And a relatively harmless one at that, with very few long term effects, unlike drug use or sleeping around.

Of course you can chuck this back at me in ten years when I am freaking out at the piercings and the purple hair...  But I honestly believe that teenagers given some freedom to express themselves, within the parameters of other clear expectations with regards to general behaviour, effort in school and sensible guidelines around alcohol etc will get a lot of their need to rebel and be 'different' out of their system in fairly harmless ways, rather than resorting to drugs and other behaviours that have longer term implications. Is this a naive view?  Were my parents lucky or wise?  I think they were wise!  But then  I turned out ok...

For now, my 3 year old can have spikey hair!  But he absolutely can not spit at his brother (the current lovely phase) and he must always say please and thank you.  .  Some very clear boundaries and plenty of freedom to be himself.  And Adam is availing himself of this freedom with typical enthusiasm, unlike his brother who actively does not want spiked hair.  I am expecting negative comments from some relatives as we visit different homes this weekend, if he wants his hair spiked. But I have chosen not to make this a battle, so we will just ride it out... I hope this dress rehearsal lesson sticks with both boys and pays off in due course!