Both boys now have the requisite level of dexterity needed for quite a few computer games and love playing FIFA or bowling on the Wii. They also constantly demand time on the iPad or on our phones to play Angry Birds, Minecraft or a random succession of racing games.
On a busy day, when I am tired or when I am trying to get something done, it is very easy to just say yes, and guarantee myself some peace as they are quite self sufficient when playing these. The house goes quiet apart from the electronic beeping and chirping. It's bliss! And then you realise that they have been quiet for over an hour and that they have been slumped over the iPad firing birds at pigs or gaining a completely false idea of their bowling prowess by getting strike after strike by accurately flicking their wrists. If they then have a bit of tv time as well, and you then add up all the time they have been looking at a screen, it can be fairly alarming.
Cue parental guilt and the inevitable overcompensating: nature walks and baking. Not that these aren't brilliant things to do. But the kids could also just play with their toys, read a book or use their imagination when building a fort. Some time ago I began to realise that my kids expected to be entertained, by something I had organised or by a screen: tv or otherwise.
On a parenting course we took last year, there was a section on how much screen time kids get. On the dvd, a range of experts spoke about this and expressed concern at how much tv kids were watching nowadays and discussed the amount of time that was considered acceptable. Dr Aric Sigman had a lot to say about this; in fact if you google his name, quite a few articles on this topic come up. He stated that kids of a young age, like my two, should spend no more than an hour, and preferably less, watching tv. In fact, he said that children under 3, should not watch any tv.
One of the interesting things he explained, was the danger of a child coming to understand the world virtually, before they experienced it genuinely. It is much healthier for a child to have a new experience for themselves, such as going to the beach, or going to a birthday party, before they see a version of this in a cartoon. Of course there are things they may only ever see on tv, like outer space or the Great Wall of China. But in terms of everyday life, it is much better for them to do things for themselves before they have a version of it in their minds that is fictionalised and probably American and will therefore not really correspond to their eventual experience. (I am extrapolating somewhat from Dr Sigman, as I apply this to my kids, at their ages and stages.)
In conjunction with this, he said that many kids were no longer left to their own devices, to just 'play', in the purest sense of the word. He states that it is very important for kids' imaginations that they are left, with no input from adults, and no organised activities, to just choose their own form of play and begin to make up their own fun.
This made a lot of sense to me when I heard it. Although, I don't know how realistic it is for kids under 3 to watch no tv. It certainly helped a great deal when I had a very young toddler and a newborn baby, that I could put on cbeebies and have a bit of space for ten minutes while the baby napped. However, I certainly agree with him that it is far too easy to ratchet up the screen time, especially when computer time is added to tv, and that kids generally spend too much time just gazing passively. And I know I can be overly concerned about the kids getting bored and organise too many play dates and activities to avoid this , giving them little time to just mooch and find their own fun. So, how to implement all of this?
Here's one thing that worked: I tried to get as late in the day as possible before we turned the tv on. On a good day, this was after dinner. But there were days when there was a sick child, or endless rain or a frazzled me, when this was just not feasible and a movie was the best option for general sanity and harmony.
Here's something that didn't work: having a general sense that the kids were best limited on computer time, but not really timing it throughout the day. The result: endless whining and grousing and Mummy being a policeman and constantly saying no and being seen as very mean and unfair. If the kids play this one right, they can actually get a lot of screen time, if they reach the whining tipping point where Mummy would agree to almost anything if they would just STOP WHINING. Cue more guilt. Not a happy house.
So, here's what we came up with to resolve this whole issue:
Example: Adam decides he will play on the Wii - he knows he wants to play two matches on FIFA and decides to allocate 20 minutes to this. The oven timer is set and play commences. The oven beeps and he stops. They have both been surprisingly good about stopping play when their time is up. Having their sibling keep them in check is useful! They can of course play on, but in the knowledge that they are losing more time on the chart. Then they choose the correct picture, place it on the timeline and, job done.
The tv one is easier to monitor as our home made system is not easy to use and they generally need me to turn the whole thing on for them. Incidentally, we have put in place a caveat with the 45 daily minutes allocated to tv and that is sports. They are such enthusiastic sports watchers! There are no glazed over eyes or couch potato positions when sports are on. Both boys are generally commenting avidly throughout, asking endless questions, and often charging out to the hall or garden to recreate the goal, try or lap they have just seen. So we felt this was a different kind of viewing, and limiting it wasn't as necessary.
When they have used up their screen time, that is that. No negotiation. The exceptions to this would be a hospital visit, travel or something similar. Then what? I am much more hands off now when suggesting what they do next. They have started to drift off and play brilliantly with random toys, and I have overheard great race commentaries as Adam lines up his cars or been suddenly confronted with 'Mr Neymar', one of the boys in a cunning disguise, who has decided to visit us. If they do get bored, then there is always the 'I'm Bored Jar'. I can't take credit for this, but you can read about it here: http://sarahkeene.blogspot.ie/search/label/%27I%27m%20Bored%27%20Jar
As for me, I am just so relieved not to be the bad cop all day long! Everyone knows the limits and has full control over how they use them, so I am not having to say no any more - there is a visual cue in the hall, and no need to ask. The only thing I still check is that they are accurately placing the pictures on the chart and of course that the games they are playing are ones I am ok with.
A bonus: they can also lose viewing or gaming time through bad behaviour. Warning them of this is generally very effective and will usually curtail whatever naughtiness is happening.
One reason this is all working so well is that they are very young and we are still in control of the games they are choosing and the programmes they watch. Of course as they get older, they will push against this, have their own laptops etc and this will have to be dealt with differently as they change, want to start using Social Media, having their own phones and so on. If I can help it, they will never have their own tvs; we will never have more than one tv in the house in fact. But of course this means less and less as viewing is increasingly done through Netflix, youtube etc.
In the main however, I would like to think we are at least putting good practises in place and teaching them not to just be screen robots. It's a big issue for this new generation - they are surrounded by gadgets and see adults on them all the time. And here is the challenge for me - it's all very well making this fancy chart for them , but what am I modelling to them at the same time? This is an ongoing thought process and I will no doubt report back on it in due course...
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