The Birds and The Blokes

Tomorrow I will be borrowing a book from my parents that I remember very well.  It's called 'I Wonder, I Wonder' and it's the first of three books that my sister and I read with our parents over a few years, which took us through the basic 'need to know' of the facts of life. The books varied in how they presented the info and how much they really presented at all, according to the age of the intended audience. So the first book was mostly about how boys and girls are different and how families change when new babies arrive. As I remember it, the family in the story had twins, conveniently a boy and a girl who turned out to look very different at nappy changing time. There was some talk of seeds and eggs, but nice and vague at this point. The second book is called 'How You Got To Be You' and was a bit more biological - I remember a lot about ducklings for some reason and then some stuff about puberty and how bodies change. The final book was really for ten year olds or older and talked much more about sex as such - placing it in the context of relationships as well as explaining the basics. I can't remember the title of this one - clearly I have been traumatised by memories of reading it with my parents and wishing I could be anywhere else.

Actually, it wasn't that bad! I am happy that I found out about sex from my parents, in a safe environment, where I was able to ask questions.  That way, when it was becoming more of a topic at school, I wasn't uninformed and gullible.  I certainly learned a lot more from school mates, as one does, but felt pretty clear that I wasn't in any rush to experience something I had come to see as part of marriage rather than part of being a teenager.

This is all very well, but the boot is on the other foot now, and we are gearing up to sit down with Matthew and start looking at the first book together.  Hopefully the books will do a lot of the work for us!  Matthew is only six, so we are not going to be talking about sex as such, but I guess laying the ground work for future conversations. It has become increasingly evident that both boys are thoroughly entertained by bums, willies and anything remotely toilet related. Sigh.  I guess that's as good a place to start as any, and if we get through a few good chats and Matthew comes out of them knowing how to be appropriately private and safe, then that is good enough for now.

One thing I am very clear on is that I don't want to lie to him.  It is hard to balance 'telling the truth' with not giving a young child more information than they can handle.  I have seen both scenarios in action with different friends.  One friend's boy was curious about how puppies had come out of a dog he knew. In a bit of a panic, and not wanting to be too graphic, his Mum ended up telling him they came out of the dog's belly button.  This seems a bit bonkers to me!  What harm could come from telling him the truth? On the other hand, a different friend was pregnant and determined to be very open with her older son and to answer any questions he had.  He ended up being almost obsessed with some aspects of the baby, in particular with breastfeeding.  I don't think a 3 year old needs to know what an areola is...

Parents will know their own kids and be able to judge what they can handle. It would seem sensible to me to get to your kids early with the correct info before they end up with some garbled account. Some people say that early sex ed leads to earlier sexualisation and being sexually active.  That was certainly not true in my case and I would rather be open and honest with my boys than have them find out from their friends - especially if they ask the kid who thinks babies come out of belly buttons!