'Mummy, can I please be on Instagram?' If this had been a scene from a sit com, I would have spat a mouthful of tea across the kitchen at this point. My 7 year old wants to be on Instagram? Wait, my 7 year old has heard of Instagram and wants to post pictures? WHAT? Why? How?It is truly astonishing how much kids pick up about things they don't actually use or have direct contact with. We must refer to things all the time, like our Facebook status, or sending email, that we don't really register as being taken in by little ears.
My friend got an iPad the other day and by the time she got to it in the evening, her 7 year old son had downloaded all her apps from her iTunes account, except for Facebook, '... cause I wasn't sure what your email address was...'
We got both boys fairly cheap tablets that Andy picked up in Malaysia when he was there for work. Matthew took his and got started with some of the games that Andrew had preloaded. But within minutes he turned to me: 'Can I send messages to Jack on this?' And then: 'Can I have a password so no one else can go on this?' That would be a big fat NO to both of those questions! But we were surprised that he thought to ask them...
There is also a PlayStation in the living room and I was taken aback to come in and see Adam, 5, playing a match with 'some guy.' Um, pardon? Who? How? My solution to that one was to just turn the bloody thing off and to alter the access settings. Thankfully Adam was pretty freaked out by this and won't be trying this again - mainly cause the guy was thrashing him in their FIFA match...
Although we knew of course that we had to work hard to stay ahead of the kids in terms of technology, we had thought we would have a bit more of a cushion before they were snapping at our heels. And this is from a pretty IT savvy family. Andy works full time in IT and I am not frightened of it myself. But I have already had to hand my phone over to Matthew, when he was 6, so that he could find a particular app that I couldn't. And the boys discovered how to get onto YouTube through the PlayStation before I even knew that was any kind of an option.
We are helping out at a Parenting Course at the moment and the bulk of the course is dvd presentations from a great couple who are full of practical, realistic, loving and helpful advice. Last week's session was all about boundaries and they touched on the area of screen time and added the usual advice around kids' security on computers: keep the family computer in a central area in the home and then you can monitor what the kids are doing online. However, that is really quite outdated as advice goes as things have changed so rapidly in this arena. Now it is a matter of everyone being on their own devices, or perhaps multiple devices at the one time.
So, what's the best advice for a family with young kids? Here are the 4 main things I think it's worth taking into account:
1. Screen Time: limit this! Establish a culture whereby your kids ask you before they use technology and know that they have a certain time per day to play on screens. See also: http://sarahkeene.blogspot.ie/2013/07/screen-sanity.html
2. Have the conversation with your kids about the internet. In the same way we all find the right time and words to discuss Stranger Danger, the topic needs to be extended to the web. 'Never give your real name on websites', 'How to make a good password' etc. And set up the conversation to prepare them for the day when they come across something that you'd rather they not find online. Cause they will. Realistically, you can't stop that from happening - but you can influence what they choose to do next.
3. Media Stacking is the snazzy term used for using more than one device at a time: watching Netflix while playing on a tablet and texting too. There is some thought that kids using technology in this way are losing the ability to focus on one thing at a time and that this is affecting the attention they can really give to films, books or other activities. I am not sure what I think of this, but it's an interesting idea and worth keeping an eye on.
4. Look at the devices that they use. There are actually a lot of settings on tablets and games consoles that implement security. Alright, today's kids will probably be able to circumvent these by the time they are 8 and a half, but it's worth trying! And there are also a lot of great apps out there for parental controls. The best one I have found is Norton Family Security. It's great - you can tailor each child's access as you register them with this service. There is a free element to this, and then you can choose to pay as you need more detailed and specific requirements. It's well worth a look and fairly easy to set up. https://onlinefamily.norton.com/familysafety/nofToGo.fs The main thing I like about it, is that its number 1 recommendation for parents is that they have an open and evolving conversation with their kids about their online activities, thus bringing us neatly back to points 1 and 2.
It can feel very overwhelming, especially if you aren't at all techy. And very quickly terms like cyber bullying start to get chucked about, which can escalate fear and panic around this whole issue. I firmly believe that starting this conversation with your young children, who probably already know more than you realise they do, will give you a better chance of protecting them as they get older. I am not naive enough to think that my boys won't find porn or get silly or abusive messages from their friends as they get older. But I can give them a decent foundation in internetiquette, and hope this will help them negotiate this whole minefield, which is only going to grow in their lifetime.
One key message to take from this: have the conversation with your kids, about safety, about screen time and keep this conversation open and developing as they get older. But, also, make friends with a tame geek and give them cake and beer at regular intervals so they can help you with this. I took this to the next level and married one. Now you know why I bake so often...
